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[ Wednesday April 22nd 2009 @ 11:28am] |
It feels good to be independent and happy. I know now I am stronger than I have ever been. I did and went through something I thought I would never be able to do, and it feels good to know that. I know if I can do that I can get through just about anything. I have never been so happy in my life and everyone sees it, my friends, my family, everyone. I can't remember the last time I cried, and honestly, I remember I used to cry every single day and night, over something, anything. Life is too short to hold yourself back, life is way too short to let what people think influence the decisions you make. I am so happy with who I am. I am so happy with who my friends are, they are seriously the best and most caring people out there. They fucking do so much for me and I know they would do eveything for me and that means so much to me. I am there for them always and they are there for me always, just like real friendships should be, and we don't let anyone get in the way of that ever. I am so happy I decided to start dating Mike, truth is, I am crazy about this kid, he has been my best friend for so long and he has always meant so much to me and I have always meant so much to him. We used to fight all the time, seems like it was frustration of our attraction to each other because we don't argue at all, we have nothing to argue about. It feels great to be on good terms with him, the best terms, we can finally call each other our own, it seems like we waited forever for this to come, and it's apparent how happy we both are. My life is going just how it should be, fucking amazing. I am 18 and I should be living my life to it's fullest, which I do every single day. I can honestly said that. I can honestly say now, that if I were to die tomorrow, I did everything I could to be the happiest I can and live the best life I can live. This feels so fucking good.
Thank you family, mom, dad, Emily, Justin. Thank you friends, Vanessa, Raquel, Mike, Matt, John, Shane, James, Lindsay, Jenn, Kevin, and Erika.
And thank you old friends, Zach, Lauren, Leah, Natalie, Andy, Kyle, Derek, Mike, Sean, Kelcie, Lauren G, Pete, and everyone else I missed, for making me the person I am today.
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[ Monday April 20th 2009 @ 11:58pm] |
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michael d'ambrosia.
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[ Saturday March 21st 2009 @ 10:52am] |
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soooooooooooooooooo happy.
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[ Wednesday March 18th 2009 @ 8:50am] |
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hahahhahahahah wow you are such a fucking creep, how sketchy dude.
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[ Sunday March 8th 2009 @ 11:41pm] |
sometimes life takes a turn on you.
tonight i found out, Donna Hanlon, the women I sat and worked next to for two years, was hit by a car and killed crossing the street in Plainvile on saturday night. i'm a fucking mess. i drove by the caution tape and police saturday night, i saw it all, and it was her...she was killed. i can't stop crying. she loved me soooo much. that women would do anything for me. she loved the way i did the "friday" dance. she was so happy spirited and she was always full of humor. i loved that woman. i loved her so much, and she thought the world of me. she was devestated when i was fired, she was the first one to call me and say it wouldn't be the same without me. she always would cover my 5-5:30 shift whenever i needed the day off, she'd do it in a second because it was for me. i went in friday to show them my tattoos, i just saw her friday....i just saw her. this can't be real.
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| someone stop me |
[ Tuesday March 3rd 2009 @ 11:09pm] |
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what am i getting myself into?
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[ Monday March 2nd 2009 @ 10:17pm] |
tonight i cried for the first time in forever.
i feel shitty.
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[ Tuesday February 24th 2009 @ 9:49pm] |
I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET THIS!
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[ Monday February 23rd 2009 @ 12:36am] |
I have realized that generally as teenagers many if not all of us think ourselves as "mature for our age" or intelligent, and sometimes even try to emphasize how grown up we've become by the way we speak, write, act, or whatever it is. Honestly, none of us are mature, or grown up, or intelligent. We are teenagers. I realized that no matter what we think, honestly, we're usually wrong. We see everything through the eyes of teenagers and that will always just be it. None of us are better, smarter, or more grown up than each other. We all are just kids still, kids who need to decide what we want to do now. We don't know what we want, honestly. The ones who do know what they want to do in life usually change paths in the future anyways, because some day we will all grow up, but then we will be adults, and that's all we'll be, still no more or less intelligent or grown up than each other, because everyones thoughts, views, beliefs and mannerisms will still vary. Is that what makes every single human equal? I don't know, all I know is that I just want to be a kid. I want to be happy, not worry about fights, arguments, who said what, who did what, I just want to be happy, care free and enjoy my last year in highschool because I feel like I am in charge of how I feel, I am in charge of my happiness and my emotions and I do not want to look back one day and say I wish I did this, I wonder if I did this, how would it have felt if I did that, NO, I will not be that person looking back from this day fourth, I want to just be happy, I want to just be 18 and live like I'm 18 and stop trying to be so fucking mature or responsible for my age, I want to prank call people, I want to roll down my windows and sing shake it to everyone who walks by, I want to laugh at jokes, and be the kid that I am and everyone else is too.
"I'm gunna stay eighteen forever,
so we can stay like this forever,
and we'll never miss a party cause we,
keep them going constantly,
and we'll never have to listen,
to anyone about anything,
cause it's all be done, it's all been said,
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get.
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love."
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[ Thursday February 19th 2009 @ 11:51pm] |
we're gonna die like this you know,
miserable and oh,
really gotta hand it to you,
really gotta hand it to you,
are you positive,
absolutely sure,
well just get dressed dont do this,
spend the night late listening to my steadfast set that makes you wanna fall in love,
or be smart enough to keep your distance,
you cant decide, you cant decide...
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[ Thursday February 19th 2009 @ 8:28pm] |
I have been so busy this vacation I haven't really had time to update. I guess that is a good thing! I just don't want to forget everything I did, cause I hate that, and I haven't been writing it down everyday on my Twilight wall calendar like I usually do.
I hope everyone is having a bomb vacation too.
I just said bomb, oh well!
I am not doing anything early on tomorrow nor early on Saturday so if anyone wants to make plans, hit me up!
<3
I am waiting for Mike to pick me up, he should be here soon, he just had to go feed some cats.
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[ Tuesday February 17th 2009 @ 12:08pm] |
Friday Zach and I ditched the RIC tour after we drove all the way there. We got some breakfast at Dunkin Donuts, walked around Providence Place and went back to his house. We cuddled and napped for a little and talked and stuff and then we went to Target where I got some sunglasses and then we got pasta, sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, and a cucumber at stop & shop to make dinner. We went back to my house and had such good penne pasta and a great salad, it was delicious. Afterwards, we cuddled and watched some tv and then Zach went home to try selling some tickets and to hangout with his friends and I picked up Raquel and we went to the mall, the dollar store, and taco bell. It was sooo nice to hang out with her again and truly just fall back into where things last left off. We went back to my house then back to hers and then I went home and got some much needed sleep.
Saturday was Valentine's Day and Zach came over around noon with a cute little boquet of carnations for me. I like that he remembers I have never been a fan of roses, I'd take carnations or daisies over roses anyday. We agreed to very small gifts this year, we have both been so broke. He got me these two litte dish scrubbers I really wanted from target, one is a bird and one is an owl, he also got me a heart shaped chocolate box of ferrera roche (my favorites), and the cutest frosting spreaders for me to use when I bake! He got me a singing Hannah Montana card with his voice recorded in it saying "Hey amoods Happy Valentine's Day, I love you." and I laughed cause when he opened my singing card it also said "Hey ammods Happy Valentine's Day, I love you." we thought it was so funny we recorded the same exact thing. Afterwards we got breakfast at The Cozy Kitchen and it was delicious and a good time. We went to his band space and his show after, the night was soo soo long, but I was glad I still go to spend it with him. I love him so so much.
Sunday night I slept at Kelcie's. We ate Taco Bell and Mike picked us up and took us to ice cream with him, Jon and Ken. We drove around singing fun songs for a while and then went back to her house and me and her just watched you tube, lots of tv and chilled out. It was nice to get out of the house. Sunday was a rough day at home.
Yesterday Zach and I cuddled and napped for like 6 hours. Sunday was a rough day for me and just laying and talking and being with him last night was exactly what I needed. I love him so much.
Tonight I think I am going to Boston with Raquel, Vanessa and Kevin.
I am nervous, I really hope things with Kevin and I work out. I miss him.
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[ Thursday February 12th 2009 @ 7:43pm] |
Tonight Kelcie was upset over some things that happened tonight.
I picked her up and let her smoke a butt in my car and we parked at Panera and acted like total creeps while talking about everyday things, I really was trying to get her mind off of everything that was happening and cheer her up. I think it worked. That girl deserves complete happiness. I need to decide on something to get her for her Birthday.
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[ Wednesday February 11th 2009 @ 7:33pm] |
I just need to be happy, I just need to do what makes me happy and not be this upset person anymore, I just need to love Zach and be happy to love him and not let stupid things like weed and him not texting me I love you every five seconds. I am acting childish and it's cause I am scared, scared that if I don't get all the attention it means he is loosing interest in me. That's not the case, that has never been the case, I just need to grow up. He is so so nice and sweet to me, and we are so happy together, I just need to stop letting stupid things like this upset me and put me in a sad state, it's pointless. Summer is almost here, and I know him and I are going to have a wonderful one together.
Friday night I hung out with Zach. He bought me Panera and we just had a completely wonderful night together. It was just so full of laughter and smiles and I love when I can make him laugh that hard.
After he left Kelcie and I drove to Franklin, browsed around Target for an hour, then went home and baked a heart shape cake and chatted on Stickam hahah. I have such a good time with her and we can always talk about everything with each other and it's nice.
She slept over and we hung out Saturday and then went to Zach's show in N. Smithsfield.
Sunday I went to Zach's, we cuddled and napped for a couple hours and after I finally dragged him out of bed we went to my house for dinner and after hanging around there we went to see Coraline 3D. It was so awesome and cute. I really really loved it and Zach did too. The concept and plot was unlike anything, it was so fun. After Zach dropped me off and went to practice.
Monday I hung out with Lauren, Dara, and Chris for a little after school.
Tuesday I stayed hom sick, it sucked, I was in bed all day. Zach came over after and layed down with me. It made me feel a little better to have him with me. We made some pizza bites and then went to the AHS karaoke contest cause I had to do the article on it for Journalism. Mr. Parker came out in a leopard high waist skit, a furry white sweater, a long wig, and false lashes and ALL! I died. He also said "Hey Kayla! These are my parents." I was soo happy he said hello to me and introduced me to his parents, it must mean he liked me at least a little ;] <3 I love that man and his sexy beer bellly ;]. Zach went off to practice and I went off to bed.
Today I hung out with Chris and Lauren. We snacked after school, had crazy car dance parties, got Taco Bell and had "PROM COMMMITTTTTEEEE" hahaha, I love them.
TOMORROW; I don't know what I am doing. Make plans with me.
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[ Monday February 9th 2009 @ 6:39pm] |
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sleeping is all that feels right tonight.
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[ Wednesday February 4th 2009 @ 8:58pm] |
I love love love love him. I'm all smiles.
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[ Tuesday February 3rd 2009 @ 9:31pm] |
I fucking hate the snow. For some reason my car fucking hates snow and rain, it always stalls and breaks on me when it rains or snows and I am SO sick of this weather. Spring please come so I can avoid waiting on the side of the road for 45 minutes til my car starts and then getting fucking stuck in the middle of an intersection and having to have guys from Plainville House of Pizza push me into there parking lot. URGHHDGshdgshadghsa.
I am making my tatto appointment sometime this week for either March 3rd or 4th!
I am really looking forward to seeing Zach tomorrow.
I know I saw him Sunday, but I miss him already.
I just want to give him the biggest hug in the world.
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[ Monday February 2nd 2009 @ 2:39pm] |
Racquel and I cleared everything up between us within the past two days. She apologized for writing what she wrote about me out of anger with a lot of things going on, and I apologize for taking it so hard and holding it against her. Neither of us were trying to start shit with each other.
I had a good weekend, a part of it was a bit iffy, but besides that I can't complain one bit! This is super lenghty, as are all my entries. I doubt anyone reads them anyways, it's more just for me to remember and talk about what I did.
Friday I picked up Kelcie and we went to Claires to get her some new earring for her 4837 ear holes, haha. She got this package that has ones that say LOL, BFF, CYA, TTYL and stuff, it was hysterical. We laughed at all the stuff in Claires and how ridiculous it was for like twenty minutes and then went to my house and I made us pasta. We were debating over what to do, movies, bowling, LAZER TAG, and we both were like yeah we are definitely going lazer tag, SO we drove to Fall River and got there around 8:30, had to wait 10:20 for our first game since all the earlier games were full, but it was worth it. We played DDR and got ice cream cones at McDonalds while we waited. After riding in the elevator with this creepy guy who just stood in the corner and didnt get off at any stop and this wicked obnauxious ghetto-like girl we played our first game! It was soooo fun! I'm glad Kelcie liked it and got into it, it was her first time. I got second place out of 40, yeah I owned, hahaha. By the second game my body was so tired I didn't do as well, but oh well! Haha. We were both compeltely exhausted after so I dropped her off and went home and crashed.
Saturday I got my hair and layered trimmed after taking Zach to work, and then Derek came over! I missed him. We picked up Kelcie and then picked up Zach and headed to my house. A little drama bo bama happened here, and kind of put a damper on the end of the night, but after Derek left Zach and I ate mac and cheese and dinosaur chicken nuggets and watched The Rocker with Kelcie. It was pretty funny. Zach fell asleep for like five hours, Kelcie and I tried waking him up, we even threw shit at hime, but he didn't budge, so we just watched The Devil Wears Prada and some TV until it was one and we made Zach get up and drive home, we passed out right after that.
Sunday after eating a deliciously large breakfast and the BIGGEST pancakes I have EVER seen, I dropped of Kelc and went to Zach's. We didn't do much besides cuddle, and hangout on his couch and talk. I was absolutely SORE from Friday night and coudln't even walk up or down the stairs or crouch down to get in my car, it was awful. Zach was wicked tired so we needed to quiet sit down, hang around day. Plus who watches the Super Bowl when the Pats aren't in it anyways? Phft.
A lot of parts about this weekend really showed me how much Zach loves me. I am so lucky to have him, honestly. I love that boy to pieces. It feels so good for him to tell me how important I am to him, how much he loves and cares about me more than anything, and how he doesn't ever want to be away from my side. I think things are going to be looking up for me, I just can't wait till school is over, so I can focus all my time on the people I like seeing and being with the most.
lip ring, yay? nay?
A LOT of things are coming up!
+Valentine's Day & Zach's show in Framingham w/ Sparks the Rescue & Lions Lions, with Kelcie
+February Vacation
+My Birthday dinner with my friends
+My Birthday
+Tattoos
+Zach's show in NH w/ Transit and AL4W, then hopefully Nana's
Oh yeah! And I am writing an article on prom for Journalism, it's all about getting ready for prom, finding the perfect dress, limos, and all that jazz. I really need quotes from people, you can be from any school. Just say anything about any of those things or any feelings you have, please! It would help sooo much. Thanks!
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[ Thursday January 29th 2009 @ 6:48pm] |
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Why can't people just be nice to each other?
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[ Wednesday January 28th 2009 @ 8:59pm] |
My prom dress for my school's prom is being sketched as of now, it's going to bed mint green and cream and picking out a shoe color is going to really suck ass.
What do you think of these?
 
they're coral not pink.
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