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[ Thursday December 24th 2009 @ 1:31am] |
i sit here and just sink into this sadness. i let myself. i like it in a way. i like listening to music that reminds me of you. reminds me of the memories, the good times, your hand in mine, your kisses, your laugh. OMG i can't fucking write 2 sentences about you without crying. i miss lying in your bed, talking about nothing and everything. i miss you. WHY CANT YOU JUST FUCKING COME BACK TO ME. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO GET OVER YOU. WHY WHY WHY. WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME AGAIN AND JUST LEAVE HER. WHYYYYYY DID YOUR LOVE FADE FROM ME??
i like the my music engulfed room a lot of the times. i'd much rather lie down and miss you, then do something and forget about you. which is pathetic i know but i still don't care. i don't care what anyone says. it won't change my mind about you. i'm not going to get over you until i find someone better. no matter how long it takes. i don't care, i really don't. so everyone can shutup now. why can't time just go back. i would honestly, at this point, do anythinnggggg to go back in time, and take back EVERYTHING I EVER DID OR SAID TO YOU! i would be with you right now. i would keep you close no matter what. i wouldn't argue with you. i WOULD be the one keeping you happy, not her. i would be the one kissing you, holding your hand, everything. we would be together all the time, being cute, driving around, seeing your mom and dad and cindy, laughing constantly.
i still make up scenarios where you might walk into my house, see me in the living room, me wondering how the hell you got here, and you just sitting down with me, telling me you love me still and want to be with me. i actually made up a scenario tonight that you would possibly text me and tell me how pretty i looked. i guess i wasn't pretty enough. i definitely tried though. no matter how many times people say otherwise, they're wrong. i dont deserve you. people can say that you don't deserve me, but they're stupid and wrong. i'm the one who hurt you, and you're always going to be the one who got away. and i'm sorry. i'm so fucking sorry i hurt you so much. i'm sorry i made you cry. i'm sorry i broke up with you that last time and didn't walk back through the door. WHAT IF I HAD WALKED BACK THROUGH THE DOOR!!?!!??! ohhh umm ya we would still be together. i could've just smartened up and turned around and kissed you and said sorry. instead i treated you like shit, walked out the door and haven't seen you since. i'm literally the most pathetic person ever. do people actually think this way? or am i just a psycho. i'm probably just a freak for missing you in general considering how long its been. why all of sudden am i thinking about you though. i was doing SOOOOO welll without you. you weren't texting me and i wasn't texting you. it was perfect, i was happy. i would think about you from time to time, but not like this. now i'm just back to where i was. i'm back to being miserable without you. i'm back to being really unhappy. and i just miss being happy with you. i'll get over you soon, i promise everyone. i know i'm so annoying with all my complaining. but my notebooks and stupid little journals are all filled. the computer stores as much as i want it to. thankgod. maybe i should just start writing in a word document and stop annoying everyone.
i'm sorry bobby proctor, i miss and love you more than you will ever know. i still hope one day you will come back to me.
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[ Thursday December 24th 2009 @ 12:18am] |
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j'ai besoin juste de vous, mon fleuve
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[ Tuesday December 22nd 2009 @ 11:52pm] |
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No no no. This is all wrong.
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[ Tuesday December 22nd 2009 @ 1:49pm] |
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I'm better with you here.
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[ Tuesday December 22nd 2009 @ 2:03am] |
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Love love love love love. always love love love youuuuuu
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[ Thursday December 17th 2009 @ 4:43pm] |
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CUUUUUUUNNNT
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[ Sunday December 13th 2009 @ 11:51pm] |
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:}
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[ Saturday December 12th 2009 @ 3:44pm] |
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i want to get dressed up soon and go out. i think i should see if a bunch of people want to do that and go out to dinner somewhere. i mean i obviously don't really care what i wear, but sometimes i want to look cute. i want to wear heels and tons of dark eye makeup and idk just a bunch of new clothes that i'm going to buy christmas vacation. i just want to be cute sometimes. sometimes i'm sort of convinced that i'm not attractive. at all. I KNOW for a fact that my friends are all more beautiful than i am. i know i shouldn't think this way. but i don't care. its the way i think and i can't just snap myself out of something i realize everyday. it doesn't work that way. and i can't really think otherwise when i have perfection around me every other day. i wish i was prettier, cuter, had a better style. i guess i'm just lazy/weird/gross/annoying.
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